so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
