Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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