Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
