I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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