gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize