how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
