Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
