All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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