So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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