dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
