i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
