just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
