I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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