Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize