How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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