Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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