Tell her she can't have a vagina
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
