Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
