You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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