All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
