He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
