I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
