we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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