If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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