oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
