No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
