blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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