she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
