I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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