Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
