if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
