You can't motorboat a personality
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
