the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
