Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
