She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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