there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
