I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to cum in my sink.
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