I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
