Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.