remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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