I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
