I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
