D3 body, D1 cock
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
