Can i not drive my cunt home
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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