Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize