Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
