i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
