like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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