If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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