Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
