my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
