So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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