She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pants are for mortals
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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