Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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