My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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