Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
