I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
