Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize