WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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