Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there's paper in my vomit.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
