I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
